


Then What Would You Do? Hypothetically.

by bri_notthecheese



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: (obviously it's barbara's fault), Chief of Staff Edward Nygma, First Kiss, Gay Chicken, M/M, Mayor Oswald Cobblepot, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bri_notthecheese/pseuds/bri_notthecheese
Summary: Barbara introduces Ed to the game Gay Chicken. He needs to ask Oswald what it is.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 22
Kudos: 144





	Then What Would You Do? Hypothetically.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yanderebeats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yanderebeats/gifts).



> I've been wanting to write a little something for [this wonderful piece of art by yanderebeat](https://yanderebeat.tumblr.com/post/614044323137421312/doodle-of-them-playing-gay-chicken-they-are) for months now and finally got around to it <3 They really are infuriating and so, so dumb. I may or may not have spent many cumulative hours staring at this art, I love it so much!

“Well, you’ve certainly given me quite a lot to ponder, haven’t you?” Oswald smiles, his fangs bared in a manner decidedly not friendly, yet not overly antagonistic. One must hold his cards close and not make an enemy of an ally that is still of use. Oswald had taught him that.

His fake chuckle exudes a chill, yet Ed can’t help the warm feeling that courses through his chest regardless. It’s always an honor to watch the Penguin deal with those below him in this city. Standing so close to his power is intoxicating. Ed had borrowed a taste of it when he visited the GCPD following the resurge of the Red Hood gang and he often relives his conversation with Oswald before he had left the manor.

Oswald had pulled him aside and fussed over him, straightening his suit jacket and brushing away lint that was most likely not even there.

“Remember: When you walk in there, you’re untouchable. You’re no longer their lapdog. They can’t do anything to you without me hearing about it and retaliating. You’re _mine_ and I won’t suffer the mistreatment of those closest to me. Plus, they’d be attacking a city official,” he added with a giggle, lightening the tone that had been so heavy only moments before.

Ed had shivered at the words. No one had ever cared so strongly for him before, nor made him feel like he would actually be missed if something were to happen to him. Even after mistakenly turning Oswald away, the Penguin had sought him out in friendship and saved him from the madhouse that is Arkham. And how could Ed deny him that friendship, especially when he took every pleasure in being Oswald’s friend too?

“Edward, would you please show Miss Kean out? I do believe we are done here.”

Oswald spins on his heel before Barbara can utter another word. Ed hides his smirk as he gestures for her to follow him back to the mansion’s front entrance and away from Oswald’s office.

“A pleasure as always, Miss Kean.” Edward mimics how Oswald addressed her, but he doesn’t have Oswald’s penchant for plastering on a fake smile when they’d both know it’s a facade. While Barbara hasn’t made much of an appearance since the incident with Butch at the Siren’s Club a few weeks ago, the pair knows she’s searching for any sign of weakness, any sort of crack in the concrete of Oswald’s empire. And now with him at the side of the man that runs both the city and the underworld, Ed will make certain she finds no penetrable way to seize any more means of power.

“The pleasure is all mine.” She has no problem with fake smiles. “Just tell me, Eddie, have you made your move yet?”

“My…? I beg your pardon?”

“Your move.” Barbara slinks closer as if she and Ed have a secret to share. “I can admit to the brilliance of your plan. Snatching up that Chief of Staff position wasn’t half bad.”

“I wasn’t snatching any—Oswald can see that no one else on his staff comes close to matching my intellect. The choice was obvious.”

“Of course it was. And as you grow closer to him, you become the _only_ choice as he’s wrapped around your little finger more and more...”

“He’s not wrapped around my—what are you trying to imply?”

“Oh, nothing at all. But honey, you should have seen his face when he’d thought that brute killed you. Screaming out your name, begging for you to wake up. You’ve got him good.”

Heat flushes Ed’s face. He doubts Oswald was _that_ dramatic and yet, it doesn’t stop his heart from fluttering at the thought. But he’s determined to stand his ground. “Oswald and I are friends. Good friends. And any good friend would worry—”

“Right, right. I understand. Completely.” She taps him on his breast pocket good-naturedly but Ed has the distinct impression she hasn’t believed a word he’s said. “But, if you want any advice for your _friendship_ and its future,” the invisible air-quotes are not lost on him and he barely restrains from rolling his eyes, “challenge Ozzie to play gay chicken with you. I don’t think he’d be able to resist.” She pats his cheek with a wink and opens the door for herself. “Just don’t forget whose advice you took when you find yourself in even higher places.”

Ed frowns as he watches her strut down the cobblestone pathway to her car.

He’s still frowning when Oswald finds him sitting at his desk a half hour later.

“Ed? Is something the matter?”

“What?” Ed startles and belatedly realizes he hasn’t gotten anything done since Barbara left.

“You look upset. Or deep in thought.”

Ed waves the comment away with nonchalance. “Just thinking about something Barbara said as she left. It’s not important.”

“If it’s bothering you like this, of course it’s important.” Ed looks up to see Oswald’s warm smile directed at him. How happy and accepted and _safe_ it makes him feel. “So tell me. Did she think my Chief of Staff would suffer her needling? She didn’t insult you, did she?”

“Oh no, nothing like that. It was simply a comment she made. Or rather, made mention of a game, I believe.”

“A game?”

“She suggested we play ‘gay chicken.’ And while I’m obviously familiar with the definitions of those terms separately, I’ve never heard them combined.” Ed glances up to see Oswald’s eyes have widened and his cheeks are dusted with an adorable shade of pink. Ed tilts his head. “Oswald?”

“Yes, Edward?”

“You know what it is.”

“I have heard the term.”

“And?”

“It’s rather childish, Ed. A game one might partake in during secondary school. It’s for people far too young compared to the likes of us.”

“Yes, but what is it?”

“It’s—” Oswald seems to blush even harder. “It’s a game where two people of the same sex compete to see who will back down first.”

“Back down from what? What are they competing for?”

Oswald huffs in frustration. Ed almost believes that his friend will end their conversation and leave. It’s no small relief when Oswald makes his way over to where Ed sits behind his desk and places a firm hand on Ed’s shoulder. “It’s like this. Does that make you nervous?”

Ed laughs softly. “Of course not. We touch each other all the time.”

But that isn’t _quite_ the truth. There’s something different about this moment; Edward can’t deny that. Between Oswald’s slightly flushed face, the avoidance of his eyes, and the implications of Barbara’s words lingering in Ed’s mind, the sudden heat pooling in his gut is much harder to ignore.

Oswald’s hand tightens subtly as he laughs with Ed. “Yes, while that is true, that isn’t the extent of the game. Like I said, it’s supposed to be a competition. But you get the idea.”

Ed senses Oswald’s intentions and moves before Oswald can remove his hand. He places his own hand on the side of Oswald’s waist, pinkie finger skimming the top of his hip. “So this is essentially what would happen? I would take my turn? Like this?”

“Y-yes.”

“Did that make you nervous?” Ed isn’t quite sure if he was asking because of the game or because he genuinely doesn’t want Oswald to feel uncomfortable. Perhaps both.

“No,” Oswald scoffs and places his other hand on the opposite shoulder. “I simply wasn’t expecting you to want to play along. Because, like you said, we touch one another all the time. It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

“Hmm.” Ed hums in agreement, but he’s already thinking of his strategy. The objective is to win, and in order to win, Ed would have to make a move that would fluster Oswald enough to back away. Especially since he knows Oswald can be just as competitive as he is. They are often in one another’s vicinity so he’d have to do something more unexpected and deviate from their norm.

And that knowledge sends the electricity sparking through his veins.

In one swift movement, Ed grabs Oswald’s hips and tugs him onto his lap. Oswald gasps and goes rigid as he finds himself essentially straddling Ed, and Ed can’t help his small intake of breath now that their faces are suddenly so close. Despite the color that is surely saturating his own face, he asks in a voice that isn’t as smug as he’d like, “Are you nervous?”

Ed waits patiently for Oswald’s answer. Or tries to, as the amount of physical contact they’re sharing at the moment is a lot more distracting than Ed had anticipated. The last person Ed had shared this kind of contact with was Kristen, and they had done the most intimate activity a pair of people could do. Visions of that night immediately surface and Ed has to focus very hard on not thinking about that right now, and _especially_ focus on not imagining another person with him in that scenario.

“No.”

Oswald’s voice is so soft, yet Ed nearly jumps at his answer. His hold is firm on Oswald’s waist and his eyes keep flitting down to Oswald’s lips and he realizes that asking his friend about this game might have been a very bad idea.

A very bad idea that he can’t bring himself to stop.

Ed’s never been one to leave a puzzle unfinished.

What would it take for Oswald to back down? Would he want to? Does Ed?

Ed’s already figured out what the next logical step would be. How Oswald would kick this into an even higher gear. He has to know if he would.

“Then what would you do? Hypothetically.” If he wets his lips, he’s already forgotten about it.

“Well…” Oswald’s eyes definitely catch the movement. “Hypothetically…”

Oswald is clearly thinking about the directions in which this could go and their likely outcomes and consequences. Ed would have followed a similar thought process had Oswald not taken to absentmindedly stroking the nape of his neck as he thinks and short-circuiting any pathways for logical thought in Ed’s brain. However, the pathway it does seem to be affecting is decidedly lower and Ed wills himself to have more control than _that._

“Do you give up?” Ed asks, steeling himself for Oswald’s possible forfeit and yet praying he doesn’t.

Edward recognizes the fire in Oswald’s eyes when challenged, and he has approximately two seconds to prepare before Oswald is pressing himself into Ed, their lips locked in a fierce kiss. Ed responds in kind, keeping his hold on Oswald as their hands explore, roaming across the pristine fabrics of their bespoke suits and itching to feel the skin underneath. Ed whimpers and parts his lips as Oswald’s fingers tangle through his hair. He pulls Oswald closer, hands wandering dangerously close to his behind.

Ed hadn’t kissed many people in his life. There was Miss Kringle, obviously, and the first kiss with her had been lovely. Full of butterflies and nervous jitters and shaking hands that Ed feared would make her uncomfortable if he had held onto her. Then there was another, Jill Nelson, a girl on the playground in the first grade. It had been simple press of their lips. Ed had blushed and she’d giggled and scurried away.

This isn’t like either of those times.

Ed hadn’t known kissing _could_ feel like this. That the tension that had been unknowingly brewing between the two of them could collide and explode in such a way that would make him feel so alive. Cause him such elation that he would laugh had his mouth not otherwise been occupied. That kissing could make him feel like he’s someone special. That it could make him feel like he’s actually _wanted._

Despite their lips and tongues awkwardly fumbling from inexperience, Ed has never been happier to share in a moment with his best friend.

When they finally break away for air, Ed lets out an internal sigh of relief as Oswald remains close and presses his forehead against Ed’s. Ed suspects he might die if Oswald were to move away from him right now.

“I don’t want to back down from this.” Ed surprises himself with his own boldness but finds there is no lie in his admission. He’s gently stroking Oswald’s back, the motion calming to his own racing heart.

“Neither do I,” Oswald replies, leaning back just enough to properly meet Ed’s gaze. Unshed tears shine in the corner of his eyes and he looks at Ed as if he’d hung the stars. It chases the breath from Ed’s lungs. Oswald smiles, gathering himself, and places a hand on Ed’s cheek. “Ed? There is something I’ve been thinking about lately and I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

Ed nods his head for Oswald to continue, hanging onto every word.

“I think, or rather, I most certainly know that my heart has been ensnared by you. Might I hope—after all this—that you feel similarly?”

A nod isn’t sufficient, but Ed’s brain hasn’t entirely come back online yet and he can’t string together the right words to express to Oswald how he feels. After a few attempts of opening and then immediately closing his mouth before garbles of gibberish spill free, he finally forces out, “Yes. I think that’s a _very_ safe bet. That I do. Feel that way. About you.”

Oswald laughs nervously, but he thankfully recognizes Ed’s response as a positive one. “I admit I don’t have much experience going about this.”

Ed shrugs, knowing he doesn’t have much else to add to the matter. “Me either. But I liked how we started.” Ed tentatively takes Oswald’s hands in both of his. “We can figure things out as we go along. Together.”

“Together,” Oswald repeats. A sheepish grin grows on his face. “May I kiss you again?”

“As many times as you’d like.”

The distance closes between them once more, and Ed believes he may have to thank Barbara for her advice after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and/or comments are always appreciated! ^_^


End file.
